The Astrology of Friendship
by Lara Owen
Friendships are a crucial part of every life, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on our temperament and life circumstances. Even a hermit has a friend of some kind or another, and many of us have hundreds of friends during the course of our lives. In this article, I’m going to discuss the astrology of friendship, including the meaning of the 11th house, other houses involved in friendship, the friendship styles of the signs, how we can see friendship in the chart, and the nature of synastry between the charts of friends.
Friendship is somewhat of a missing piece in astrological literature, usually glossed over as belonging to the 11th house, and that’s about the end of it. Much thought is given to how astrology reflects and affects our relationships with our spouses and lovers, but much less attention is given to how it describes and affects our friendships. Yet, for many of us in these times of divorce and serial monogamy, it is our friendships that create the enduring interpersonal structures of our lives.
The 11th house is the traditional house of friends. But is that the same as friendship? The 11th is the house of benign alliances, of friends as opposed to enemies. (Enemies come under the 12th house; open enemies belong to the 7th.) The 11th is a worldly house, but not a relationship house. Therefore, it logically rules strategic friendships rather than soul-level friendships. When you go to an astrology conference or attend a class, you are having an 11th-house (and a 9th-house) experience. When you convene in a room as colleagues to share knowledge, you are friends in the sense of not being enemies, allies rather than foes. That’s what friendship in the 11th-house context means. But when we meet as a group with shared interests, we don’t necessarily function as friends in the context of confiding in each other, knowing intimate material about each other’s lives, lending each other money, looking after each other’s children or cats or dogs, and so on.
Yet, the conventional astrological wisdom of our day is that the 11th house is the house of friends, and that is usually taken to include close friends as well as associates. How did we get here? And is it working for us?
For many years, I took this association of the 11th house with friendship at face value, and when clients had difficult issues with friends, or had no friends, I would look at the 11th to tell me why. But after several years in practice, it dawned on me that this didn’t actually work — or rather, it was not telling the whole story. I realized from my own studies of charts that close friendships were more often represented by the 4th, 5th, and 7th houses and that this would show up in the synastry between good friends.
There are several reasons, or possible reasons, that this idea of the 11th house ruling friendship — so dominant in modern astrology — might now be a limited notion.
Our context for friendship has changed. The 11th house became associated with friendships during a time when the extended family was the dominant social structure and the source and repository of primary loyalties and confidences. Friendships were associations formed to help one in the world, to have fun (opposite the 5th), or to share Aquarian brotherhood experiences by joining together to do good works. In the realm of the 11th house, one does not tell a friend everything; one dissembles at social functions, and one keeps up appearances. This is not the style of friendship that many of us create today.
Close friendships are something that women do more than men, and perhaps that is why friendship has been left out of a literature dominated, until recently, by male writers. Men often form friendships in the context of group activities, such as sporting events, or going out drinking with the guys, and research shows that it takes much longer for men to talk about personal matters with their friends than it does for women. (However, this picture is changing, as it becomes more socially acceptable for men to be more emotional and related.)
I decided to try to find out more about the association of the 11th house and friendship by tracking references made to this association throughout the history of astrological writing. I wondered whether, somehow, the notion of friendship had become limited along the way because it wasn’t deemed important enough for more differentiated analysis.
The 11th House
The division of the horoscope into houses first occurs in the writings of Manilius, who wrote his Astronomica around 10–20 B.C.E. This work is considered to be based on unwritten tradition that, by this point, was pretty well established. Manilius recorded that the 11th house was the place of “Hope, ambition, triumph. Blessed with the lot of Happy Fortune. The temple of Jupiter.”[1] There is no mention of friends.
The next notable astrologer after Manilius was Vettius Valens, and from his writings we get a vastly expanded notion of friendship in the chart. Valens was a second-century astrologer living in Antioch (now part of Syria). He wrote an important text, the Anthologiae, in which we find one of the first clear delineations of the meanings of the houses. Valens was a working astrologer, and he traveled widely in Egypt where the Chaldean astrological traditions were still known. His book, more than any other of the period, including Ptolemy’s Tetrabiblos, tells us how astrologers of those times worked. Valens mentions friends and friendship under the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th, and 11thhouses. This corresponds to the Vedic view that the odd-numbered houses are more favorable than the even-numbered houses — and are “friendly” rather than difficult. One could argue that this draws from the same Arabic information stream as Valens drew from, and that this odd-numbered theme means that these are benign houses rather than specifically about friendship itself.
“Let the beginning be from the ascendant, which is life, tiller, body, breath. The 2nd, livelihood, Gate of Hades, overshadowed, giving, receiving, joint-ownership; the 3rd, brothers, living abroad, Queen, [2] authority, friends, relatives, strong feelings, slaves; the 4th, praise, the father, children, [the native’s] own woman, elderly persons, action, the city, the home, property, dwellings, changes, changes of place, dangers, death, restraint, mystical matters; the 5th, the house of children, friendship, association, the act of freeing slaves, something good or a kindness; the 6th, slaves, injuries, enmity, sickness, debility; the 7th, marriage, success, union with a woman, friendship, living abroad; the 8th, death, benefit from things of the dead, an ineffective house, punishment, debility; the 9th, friendship, absence from home, benefit from foreign things, God, King, sovereign, astronomy, [3] oracular responses, manifestations of the gods, prophecy, mystical and hidden matters, association; the 10th, action, praise, advancement, children, the wife, change, innovative actions; the 11th, friends, hopes, gifts, children, freedmen; the 12th, a foreign woman, enmity, slaves, injury, dangers, legal judgements, sickness, death, debility. Each of these houses denotes that which it signifies, but it also works together with the nature of the opposite house.” [4]
Guido Bonatti was an Italian astrologer of the 13th century. He wrote the Liber Astronomiae, which, according to Robert Hand, is “a nearly complete and exhaustive compilation of the Western astrological tradition [and] the summation of the ideas, methods, and techniques of virtually every Arabic astrologer of the Middle Ages and the earlier astrologers whose ideas had survived into the Middle Ages.” Bonatti described the 7th house as the house of intimate relationships, conflicts, and associations, and the 11th as the home of Faith, Friends, and The Success of One’s Ventures. Where a one-word definition is called for, “success” is very commonly used to describe the 11th house in classical and medieval literature.
In 1647, William Lilly wrote in Christian Astrology that the 11th house “doth naturally represent friends and friendship, hope, trust, confidence, the praise or dispraise of any one; the fidelity or falseness of friends; as to kings it personates their favourites, councillors, servants, their associates or allies, their money, exchequer or treasure; in war their ammunition and soldiery; it represents courtiers, &c., in a Common-wealth governed by a few of the nobles and commons, it personates their assistance in council.” [5] Lilly’s associations are very wide, as you can see, and include various things that we no longer associate with the 11th, such as money and servants. He does, however, include both friends and friendship.
Fast forward through 300 years, when not much was written about astrology, to the 20th century and Dane Rudhyar. In The Astrological Houses, published in 1972, Rudhyar didn’t mention friendship in the context of the 11th, but he didn’t talk about it anywhere else, either. For Rudhyar, the 11th was the house of success and how the power of society manifests through the individual. Yes, this is expressed through one’s associations, but the 11th is not a relationship house, it is a social house, and he did not refer to it as the house of friends.
Robert Hand wrote in Horoscope Symbols that the 11th house represents “One’s friends and social circle. One’s hopes, wishes, and ambitions.” [6] Friendship doesn’t fall under the jurisdiction of any other house, according to Hand, and he says the 11th represents any time we are involved with more than one person, as one often is with groups of friends. Howard Sasportas, in The Twelve Houses, said that the 11th house shows how we function as part of a system, and he included being part of a group of friends. But both of these excellent writers seem to be straining somewhat when they talk about friendship and the 11th house. Sasportas said, “Friendship clearly fits into the 11th house ideal of becoming greater than what we already are.” [7] This seems to be a bit of a stretch. One could make the same claim for marriage, travel, or work. Hand tried to clarify the polarity between the 5th and the 11th; he wrote: “But we do not usually think of friends as opposed to play; in fact, they often go together.” [8]
Deborah Houlding, in The Houses: Temples of the Sky, makes it clear that the 11th house rules friends in the context of “the wider social circle of acquaintances and groups,” and she clarifies what is meant by friendship as “friends and friendship, supporters, benefactors and those that help us directly or behind the scenes.” [9] And here we have the nub of the issue: The 11th house rules friendship in terms of support and social groupings. These represent only certain aspects of friendship. There are other types of friendship that may run very deep in our life experience, are not explained by the territory of the 11th house, and are not reflected in the 11th house in the natal chart, in transits, or in the synastry between the charts of friends.
So, here are my observations of some specifics about the astrology of friendship. I will present more detail on the houses and the synastry between the charts of friends, then take a look at the friendship styles of the zodiac signs, and — lastly — make a few observations on transits.
First, the houses: While we can argue that Valens puts friends or friendship in all the odd-numbered houses (except the 1st) because these houses are benign and not because they are really about relationships, the actual context of these houses does lend itself to actual relationships: 3rd-house friendships are with neighbors; 5th-house friendships are with people we go out and have fun with; 7th-house friends are particularly close and may be in a kind of partnership, and 9th-house friendships are those we form in educational situations, friends we learn with and travel with, and foreign friends who live in other countries. I have also found the 4th house showing up in synastry; it seems to rule friends whom you live with and feel are part of your family.
The 4th House
In the 4th house, we find friends we cohabit with, who are like family to us. One of the ways that natal planets in the 4th manifest in our lives is in the context of friendship. For example, Jupiter in the 4th predisposes you to living in large communal situations; Pluto in the 4th can indicate a lifelong pattern of living with people who are going through deep transformation.
The 5th House
The 5th house rules friendships in which creative pursuits and a love of sport or having fun predominate. These are people with whom you get together to have a few drinks, to enjoy a good dinner, to laugh about the absurdities of life, to experience the glow of bonhomie. Any friendship characterized by these kinds of encounters is a 5th-house friendship.
The 7th House
For close friendships, the 7th house is actually more relevant than the 11th. Some friendships function like partnerships, in that everything is discussed, you have a mutual bank of memories, and your friend knows you in some ways better than anyone. This is particularly true for people with any kind of 7th-house emphasis in the natal chart.
The Sun or Venus in the natal 7th house can give a proclivity for very tight, warm, and lasting friendships. Mercury in the 7th gives a liking for younger friends. Venus emphasizes friendships with women; Mars, those with men. Jupiter suggests that your friends and your partner will be generous towards you. Saturn in the 7th gives problems with friendships, as well as difficulty finding a mate, and a tendency to prefer the company of older people. Sometimes, your parents are actually your closest friends. The North Node in the 7th suggests that friendships will be unusually important in the unfolding of personal destiny and that time spent understanding and nourishing friendships is important soul work for this lifetime; there may also be a particularly fatalistic feeling when a new friend comes into your life.
Examples of Famous Friends
Dionne Warwick, who recorded the hit song “That’s What Friends Are For,” has had a 45-year friendship with Gladys Knight. The pair have laughed, cried, and shared much throughout the years — so much so that Gladys says, “Her sons are my sons; my children are her children.” Dionne has stated publicly how important friendship is in her life: “Friendship is as vital to my existence as the blood that runs through my veins,” she told a reporter. “One always needs another, regardless of his or her station in life … I value friends, not only for what I can do for them, but what they’ve done for me.” [10]
Dionne has Pluto conjunct the IC, and the ruler of the 4th (the Sun) is in the 7th house. No wonder friendships run deep for her, last a lifetime, and are considered to be like family. Yet, she has only the South Node in the 11th house. Gladys’s Moon, Jupiter, and Pluto (and her Chiron) fall in Dionne’s 4th house; Gladys’s Ascendant is in Dionne’s 7th, while Dionne’s Sun and Mercury straddle Gladys’s Sagittarius Ascendant.
In the mid ’90s, the childhood friendship between Ben Affleck and Matt Damon blossomed into a successful filmmaking partnership. Matt’s Sun, Mercury, Mars, Uranus, and Pluto all fall in Ben’s 4th house; Venus, Jupiter, Neptune, and the MC fall in Ben’s 5th; and Matt’s Moon is in Ben’s 7th. Ben’s Venus, Saturn, and Ascendant fall in Matt’s 5th; his Sun, Mercury, and Mars fall in Matt’s 7th. These two have a familial connection through the 4th-house contacts, a creative and playful connection through the 5th, and a genuine long-term partnership through the 7th. These three houses are overwhelmingly dominant in the synastry of this potent friendship.
Styles of Friendship: A Quick Trip through the Signs
All of the signs have their own ways of being friends, and most of these are pretty evident. I won’t do a complete laundry list here. I’ll limit myself to pointing out the more curious and interesting characteristics. The following descriptions should be used judiciously — in a natal chart, they may apply to the sign of the Sun, Moon, Venus, Ascendant, Descendant, or any preponderance of sign influence. The Moon seems to be particularly important in friendship synastry, for both men and women. It makes sense that, if the two Moons are compatible, you will have a sense of family with your friend, a sense of trust and shared emotional ground. And, of course, different parts of the chart will be more or less in play at various stages of life.
Aries is gregarious but often has difficulty forming deep friendships, unless the overall chart gives some help. Aries is always onto the next thing and may leave a string of abandoned friends in his wake.
Despite being ruled by Venus, Taurus is still a bull standing alone in a field and is often not all that friendly, preferring the company of lovers and nature.
Gemini does friendships on the phone and by e-mail and tends to be erratic and unreliable, changing plans at the last minute. But male or female, they love their friends, and often give them a higher priority than a mate or children. Even after marriage, Geminis often continue to talk to their friends all day on the phone about anything and everything.
Cancer makes her friends into family, cooks for them, and takes care of them when they are sick (and even when she is sick). Cancerians are also inclined to turn their relatives into their friends and may lack interest in forming friendships outside the family — except those born in the 1950s with Uranus close to the Sun; this group has a more Aquarian slant on family, embracing friends and lost sheep into the fold and then, at times, choosing to be alone. The generation of Cancerians with Pluto in Cancer have a very deep and strong sense of family and a great tendency to expect friendship to come from relations. They may suffer loneliness as a result, especially if they have independent siblings or children.
Leo needs friends as an audience and for the experience of bonhomie. They often have a mass of acquaintances but may have trouble establishing truly deep friendships because of their need to be the star. When they do make a real friend, it lasts forever, and they are completely loyal. Leos born when Pluto was in Leo often have so much power-trippy energy that friendships suffer accordingly. Or else they are attracted to equally powerful friends with whom they plot to take over the world.
Virgo likes to do things with friends, fix things, go on hikes, and swap massages. However, Virgo knows that a dog is really a better companion than a human. The Uranus–Pluto in Virgo group have an interesting friendship style — deep, erratic, long-lasting, and often involving a shared spiritual life.
Libra often turns the partner/spouse into a friend, and that’s frequently the Libran definition of a happy marriage: He/she’s my best friend. The Neptune in Libra generation, with their fluctuating and nebulous relationship boundaries, have a tendency to turn friends into lovers, seeing anyone they are close to as a potential romantic partner. This can create all kinds of confusion.
Scorpio is as passionate and jealous about friendship as about everything else and often has fallings-out with friends over money, sex, or power. It’s usually inadvisable to borrow money from Scorpio friends, unless they have a lot of Libra in the chart.
Sagittarius is made for friendship — gregarious, fun-loving, interested in what makes human beings tick. They are the perfect companion for a discussion long into the night about the meaning of the universe. Just don’t complain when you need their support and they are about to leave for a six-month retreat in the Himalayas.
Capricorn types are social climbers. No judgement is implied. They like people who are going places. Capricorn friendships have to be tested over time to see whether they are based on more than self-interest. Of course, if you are going through a phase of life in which you favor hiding out in backwaters, any Capricorn who befriends you is someone who sees your true nature and just loves you for it. This person will be worthy of your loyalty.
Aquarius can be cool in friendship and unpredictable. They like shared political and social interests as friendship glue, but you should know that they will always put the needs and desires of the group before your individual needs. Aquarians are fantastic friends at a community level, introducing you to people and helping you to network.
Pisces is sweet and loyal but can be emotionally demanding. When young, Pisceans often bond with their friends through drugs and drink. Since they are the most prone to addiction of all the signs, they may also become addicted to their friends and stay together long past the sell-by date of their camaraderie. Sad groups of old addicts are dominated by Piscean energy that just couldn’t make up its mind to leave the party. Better for Pisces to bond through religion and spiritual study, but beware of fixating on a guru and having all your friends in a spiritual community that it then tears your heart apart to leave.
Friendship and Transits through the Houses
When Jupiter transits the 7th house, you can make lots of new friends, but often somewhat indiscriminately. Jupiter transiting the 7th traditionally suggests meeting a new mate, but I have seen it be a more reliable indicator of an expanded social life.
Saturn transiting the 7th can coincide with separation from close friends by relocation or estrangement.
Uranus transiting the 7th can bring sudden ruptures and sudden beginnings in all types of close relationships: marriage, business partnerships, or friendships.
When Neptune transits the 7th, you meet soul-level friends with whom you share a spiritual opening. You may also be very idealistic about all your close associations at this time and thus could trust people that perhaps you shouldn’t.
Jupiter or Saturn transiting the 8th can herald the death of a close friend — as can Neptune. When Uranus transits the 8th, you may be tempted to borrow money from friends. But be careful that this doesn’t end up souring the relationship.
Saturn in the 11th exposes all your circumstantial friendships for what they really are. At this time, some of the friends you made when Jupiter was transiting the 7th may drop away like so much dust, but only if they weren’t real friendships in the first place. The ones you made while Jupiter was in the 10th may lead to some solid work opportunities.
Jupiter in the 11th does not bring new friendships as much as it strengthens existing strategic alliances that began as social friendships or casual acquaintances. You may get work through one of these friendships, or you may turn a friendship into a working partnership. This is a good time for exploring creative synergy with a friend.
In conclusion, experience shows us that, as Vettius Valens said back in the second century, several houses are relevant when it comes to the very important matter of friendship in our lives.
Chart Data and Sources
(in alphabetical order)
Ben Affleck, August 15, 1972; 2:53 a.m. PDT; Berkeley, CA, USA (37°N52^, 122°W16^); AA: birth record in hand, LMR.
Matt Damon, October 8, 1970; 3:22 p.m. EDT; Boston, MA, USA (42°N21^, 71°W04^); AA: Frances McEvoy quotes birth certificate.
Gladys Knight, May 28, 1944; 7:52 p.m. CWT; Atlanta, GA, USA (33°N45^, 84°W23^); AA: birth record quoted in Contemporary American Horoscopes.
Dionne Warwick, December 12, 1940; 3:08 p.m. EST; Orange, NJ, USA (40°N46^, 74°W14^); AA: Birth certificate in hand from Gabrielle Hardman.
References and Notes
1. Deborah Houlding, The Houses: Temples of the Sky, Wessex Astrologer, 2006, p. 41.
2. The word thea, meaning “goddess,” seems to have fallen out of the text here; other Greek astrologers mention it, and it matches God and King in the 9th house.
3. In this context, astronomy means knowledge of the stars, comprising both astronomy and astrology.
4. The Valens quote is taken from James Herschel Holden, A History of Horoscopic Astrology, American Federation of Astrologers, 1996.
5. William Lilly, Christian Astrology, Cosimo Classics, 2005, p. 56
6. Robert Hand, Horoscope Symbols, Para Research, 1981, p. 300.
7. Howard Sasportas, The Twelve Houses: An Introduction to the Houses in Astrological Interpretation, Aquarian Press (London), 1985, p. 96.
8. Hand, Horoscope Symbols, p. 300.
9. Houlding, Houses, p. 87.
10. Joy Bennett Kinnon, “Sistah celebrities and their ‘best girlfriend’,” Ebony magazine, March 2005.
Additional Bibliography
Bonatti, Guido. Liber Astronomiae, trans. R. Zoller, with Foreword by Robert Hand. Golden Hind Press, 1994.
Rudhyar, Dane. The Astrological Houses: The Spectrum of Individual Experience. CRCS Publications, 1986.
Valens, Vettius. Anthologiae (a 10-volume work in Greek). See reference 4.
© 2008 Lara Owen – all rights reserved
This article was first published in The Mountain Astrologer, October/November 2008
Comments transferred from Planetary Energies
| Terri |
Submitted on 2011/06/12 at 18:29
Very interesting read, and further elucidates my general “aloneness” – Aries sun, Taurus moon, Cancer ascendant, and no planetary aspects for houses 4 5 or 7; and 11 house has Moon and Venus both. It’s all about groups and careers here ;-( |
| Lisa |
Submitted on 2011/04/10 at 16:14
I just found out, Amicitia means specifically political friendship, or it could be informal bonds of friendship (see above link). Amici means specifically ‘male friendship’: “Singular Male – Amicus Curiae http://westreferenceattorneys.com/2010/12/amicus-amica-or-amicum-which-is-your-friend/ studying a Latin law term meaning ‘friend of the court’, with Curiae presumably meaning ‘of the court’ |
| Lisa |
Submitted on 2011/04/10 at 16:01
You might want to consider adding Amicitia and Amici (Latin words for friendship) to the chart–asteroids #367 and #3809 at astro.com choose the ‘Extended chart selection’. see http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/lawgovernmentpolitic1/g/113010-Amicitia.htm |
| MARY-ANNE |
Submitted on 2010/04/05 at 03:30
EXCEPTIONALLY INTERESTING ARTICLE , AS IVE WONDERING ON THE STATE OF MY FRIENDSHIPS AND HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR VERY LONG ON ANY ASTROLOGICAL INFORMATION ON THE WEB,,WITH NO SUCCESS…NOTHING WRITTEN OUT THERE ,SO THANX VERY MUCH FOR SUCH AN INSIGHTFUL ARTICLE..STRANGELY FOR AN AQUARIAN WITH LIBRA ASCENDANT,AND MOON SAGGITARIUS, JUPITER AQUARIUS,,, |
| Donna Cunningham |
Submitted on 2010/01/25 at 02:33
What a delightful find this was, Lara!! I am single and have no family ties, so friendship is such an important dimension of my life. I have a stellium of planets in Gemini in the 11th including Venus, Saturn, Uranus, and Mercury, rather too many eggs in one fragile basket. It’s such blessed part of my life, but on the other hand, an area sometimes fraught with pain, as in the 1980s when I lost quite a few treasured men friends to AIDS. This article has been an eye-opener to the many complexities of friendship. Regards, Donna Cunningham of Skywriter.wordpress.com |
| veronika |
Submitted on 2009/09/13 at 20:42
Your article made so much sense to me ~ thank you. |
| Hilary Gwynn |
Submitted on 2009/06/24 at 10:48
Hi Lara Hilary |
